Dharma Bum

Emails From Mom

In the episode of Emails From Mom my Mother the staunch feminist sends me this:

How Real Men Use Post-It Notes:

Emails From Mom

In this edition of Emails from Mom I get a sex joke from Mom. Yep.

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

" 1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much

since 1955."

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."

(Don't ya love military time?)

Emails From Mom

In todays episode my mother threatens my life:

Just mind the Physical Therapist!! You Hoff males

never want to admit you have a physical problem!!

I told Michele to just push you down the stairs if

you wouldn't behave. I'd get her an attorney and

we'd go for justifiable homocide!!

Emails From Mom

My Mother is the queen of spam. She loves to forward me anything and everything. She especially loves to rant about our current political situation. Here is the email I received from her today:

My new desk calendar is "365 Stupidest Things Ever Said".

Yesterday was, "I would not say that the future is necessarily less predictable than the past. I think the past was not predictable when it started."

Donald Rumsfeld

And you wonder what's wrong in Washington!!!!!!

Consider this the begining of my new series; Emails From Mom.